'cept mama cass

i'm here. i'm back at the place where i was born. i have returned to the place that i outgrew. and as i stepped inside the doors today, plastic smiles filled the scenery. and i donned the same. but there was actually some genuine conversation there and i was glad. it's odd. i am here to house-sit. i suppose that's okay. the clash of two televisions swirms around my head. separate lives. taking lives. it'll be out this friday. mmm, friday. my little secret that can't be told. such a huge part of my life and yet i have to censor my words if i choose to speak. i'm sorry. i was emotional yesterday. perhaps it is because i missed a few, but memories kept pouring in. my grandfather. my friends. my clients. my girl. my life. bloodshot eyes hidden under dark shades and my mother never noticed. and that's the way it should be. she has so much going on right now. i can't burden her with anything else. ah well. what can ya do? not a whole lot. i saw an old friend today and it made me happy. she looks different. life has taken its toll on her. only 22 and her face looks tired. i'm sorry i could not be there for you. speaking of friends, i was asked the other day if i could be persuaded to stay. as much as i want to, i know i can't. it's time to move on. here's a song that is dedicated to my past...

I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on

I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on

I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone

I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived that I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on

~the rascal flatts