it all kinda sounds like the beginning to a really bad joke: what do you get when seven lesbians go on a three-day trip to Austin? yeah, insert any punchline here. the trip had been planned for quite some time except for one small thing: me! i got asked at the last minute after they realized i was cool enough to hang with them. so, there we were in two cars headed for an adventure! the drive wasn't so bad. had a lot of fun and got to know my travel buddies a little better. i was able to show off my knowledge of different genres of music, from 311 to Alan Jackson to Captain and Tenille and so much more! We checked in at the Double Tree Suites in downtown Austin upon our arrival. The only reason any of us could afford to stay in the 2-room suite with full kitchen was because someone's dad worked for Marriott. lucky us! we found a liquor just down the street and loaded up on captain morgan and coconut rum for those late-night-after-hours cocktails...yeah, with three bartenders in the group, it was a neccessity. now what? oh look, a chili bar. no, no...not chili's bar and grill, but a bar that specializes in chili. it was across the street from us, so we walked our happy little arses over there and it was then that my not-so-secret was revealed--oh, you're vegan? tah-dah! i snacked on chips, salsa, guacamole, and a baked potato while everyone stuffed their faces and tummies with a meat product of their choosing. i paced myself for what i knew would be a long night ahead--water for me, thanks. already i wasn't fitting in, with all the alcohol and hard liquor on the table next to my water. a toast to us in austin just isn't the same while raising a glass of water next to jack daniels and triple-x (extra x's, please) margaritas, but i felt fine after dinner, which is more than i could say for a couple of ladies in the group...due to the extra x's, of course. after dinner, we went back to the room, changed our clothes, and got our bell attendant, ronnie, to drive us to 6th street and there we remained until 2:00 or so. we went to this bar and that bar and another bar. the library, oil can harry's, rain, unknown name, coyote ugly---yep, coyote ugly. and it was there that one of us got an extremely seductive body shot while others looked on in absolute amazement and others of us danced atop a rather clean bar with some of the coyotes. pictures were snapped and eyes were reddened as the alcohol coursed through our veins. at a rather blah gay bar, i met a girl from dallas who was celebrating her birthday. shannon. she bought me and my friend a drink. all i said was, "hey, we've been waiting to get a drink since creation and you step up and order before us?" i said it jokingly, but she was adament that the least she could do was buy us a drink. score! perhaps i'll see her in dallas sometime. yes, i do remember her face--actually, i remember her amazingly curly hair. i showed off my gymnastic skills and brute strength at another rather blah gay bar. ahem, just for the record, austin bars are not extremely the happenin' scene on a monday night. two of our girls headed back to the hotel early while the rest of us stayed behind. and then, the drama ensued. the 6th street free-for-all ended abruptly when shots were ordered for everyone but one of the girls, because we decided it was time for her to be cut off. feelings were hurt, looks were exchanged, and i ended up running after one of the ladies when she stormed off to avoid confrontation. we walked...and walked...and walked...at a very fast pace, mind you...until what seemed like eternity and finally wound up back at the hotel. very good sense of direction. fifteen minutes, we're snacking on pringles and coconut rum/diet coke when a phone call comes through. another girl had walked herself back. i go downstairs, let her in, go upstairs, and fall into bed. woke up the next morning around noon and all was well. everyone just needed to sleep off the anger and when we woke up, everyone was friends again and the night before was never brought up.
tuesday
so, we leave the hotel, with another bell attendant driving us around town, and wind up at hula hut to eat. bloody mary's were ordered for many of us, but i stuck to my water and slightly-sweetened tea. the next time you're in austin go to hula hut for the best salsa you will ever have and the best grilled veggie enchiladas with black beans on the side that you will ever have. so good. take two taxis back to the hotel, due to the four-person-minimum-even-if-the-taxi-is-a-seven-passenger-van rule and prepare ourselves for an afternoon of shopping down on the drag. our good friend, ronnie the bell attendant, takes us down to guadalupe street and drops us off right in front of the university. clothes and shoes were bought--even a rather flashy cowboy/girl shirt--as well as a couple of pairs of cowboy/girl boots. i think some people were so impressed by the sound boots make on top of bars at coyote ugly that they wanted to experience it for themselves. after shopping, we walk back to the hotel, get dolled up once more, and head back down to 6th street, minus two from the group. they stayed behind due to some unruly cramping and sympathy pains. the remaining five of us stop at momo's bar to check out one of our favorite artists--patrice pike. if you have not heard of her, please go check out some of her music!! she's an amazing singer/songwriter/guitar player. and she's so damn cute! ya just wanna squeeze her cheeks, she's so cute! when we got there, we looked around and realized that the room was pretty full of lesbian couples and singles--the vibe was pretty strong in that room. but, leave it to me to be hit on by the only straight guy there. i'm standing at the bar, intensely paying attention to the music and chords being used when all of a sudden, i feel a tap on my shoulder. i look behind and the bartender is smiling at me: "the guy at the end of the bar wants to buy you a drink." at this point, i had not even had the desire to take my eyes off ms. pike or her guitar and was standing drinkless since we got there. "um, what?" the bartender repeats herself with a smirk on her face. hey, i can't pass up a free drink! so, i order myself a corona, mouth "thank you" to oblivious boy, and proceed to fall back into the trance that is patrice pike. after several more songs, ms. pike gets up to take a ten-minute break, and i am finally able to glance over to where oblivious boy was sitting, wanting to, at least, go up and thank him personally for the free beverage, but he was nowhere to be found. i got some rib-poking from the group because of the drink. we left shortly after and went downstairs to some kosher restaurant, because we were mighty hungry. they have the best pickles here!! i had a plate of steamed veggies due to the dairy used in their bread. when are people gonna learn that you can make good bread without dairy products?! sheesh. afterwards, we walk around, trying to find a cigar shop and a bathroom. we finally stumble upon a nice coffehouse/bar that has everything we needed, all in one place! everyone gets their fix and we head over a few streets to custom tattoos. yep. one of our girls wanted a tattoo and figured austin was the place to get it. another one of our girls decides she'll get one, too. the three remaining, non-tattoo-getting ladies, myself included, stuck around for as long as we could and then walked down a few places to a bar. we had some shots there and went back to see how the tattoos were coming along. we stayed around a little longer and then realized that it was almost last call, so we practically sprinted across the street to coyote ugly, had another shot, and then soaked it up with some beer. the tattoo girls snuck up behind us and we were on our way to the first lesbian bar we had heard of. we got there with 15 minutes to spare before alcohol was shut down. the bartender liked us so much that she bought us a round of shots. she was a cutie and even got handed a phone number from one of the single girls in the bunch. if you're ever in the dallas area,... after that, we walked back to the hotel, where the real fun started. cocktails were made for some of us and we played a "getting-to-know-you-getting-to-know-all-about-you" card game. it was a game that asked questions about intimacy. what is your favorite sexual position and describe the perfect kiss were just some of the questions. yeah, we learned a lot about each other. we finally got to bed at 5:30 that morning, knowing full well that we needed to be outta the room by noon.
wednesday
we woke up at 11:00 or so and only because the fire alarms were going on and off. before we had to try to get outta bed, someone came over the intercom saying to disregard the alarms because there was some type of glitch in the system. good to know. we got our check-out extended to 2:00 and proceeded to get ready. everyone was tired, some of us were grumpy, which made for a very unpleasant first part of the morning. two ladies from our group left early so they could go to fredericksburg for a few days, leaving five of us to ride in one car back to dallas. we checked out, went to starbucks (which seemed to cheer up a few of the grumps), and headed out of town. i kept suggesting we go to kirby lane cafe so i could grab me some chocolate cheesecake, but my suggestion was shot down and forgotten as we went to cafe serrano's, for another tex-mex meal. i had grilled veggie tacos and more black beans while everyone else ate nachos and seafood. at this point, i was soooooo very tired of veggies that i just ate the lard-free flour tortillas and beans. if you know me at all, you know that i'm not a huge fan of vegetables to begin with, so for me to eat grilled and steamed veggie entrees three days in a row for every freakin' meal is pretty amazing and stomach-turning, all at once. one the way back to dallas, we watched sex in the city episodes on a laptop (my lap, btw) computer until the battery went dead, stopped by the czech bakery in the city of west, home of the lady trojans, and missed our exit in dallas, causing us to become cranky as we took the backroads to the point of dropoff. hugs were dispersed, goodbyes were said, and everyone went their separate ways. when i got home, i dropped everything on the floor and ran to the kitchen where i proceeded to make myself some pasta with soy meat. man, i missed my soy!! after a nice meal, i spoke to a few friends on the phone, telling a little of my adventures, and then went to bed. last minute vacation came to a close when my head hit that pillow.
so, what do you get when seven lesbians go on a three-day trip to Austin? a pretty incredible time full of friends and wonderful memories!!
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