all right, then

i'm not sure why i'm writing. i haven't anything to write about. just writing to write--keep me busy, keep my mind off things, pass the time. i make mistakes. i disappoint. i make assumptions. it's hard to have those called out...but needed, nonetheless. i hate waiting. there is nothing worse than waiting...well, okay, there are many things worse that waiting, but you get my drift. another flight of ideas from yours truly. i felt a lot like ruby when i watched that movie tonight. hard, yet soft. there was a time when i could get away with being upset...times have changed...or perhaps i have. i wish we lived in a world where it is okay for people to show their true emotions. i know there is a young man who i deeply love who would probably be better off if he could express the way he feels. i know he is hurting right now but feels he has to act tough. i just hope he knows he doesn't have to put on a show for me. the same goes for everyone else who i deeply love. and just when i was getting comfortable, my world was rocked. back to timidness, i suppose... alison krauss' voice is haunting--especially during "you will be my ain true love." made me tear up when i heard it. the whole damn movie caught me off guard. i should have held off on watching it, but ah well. to live is to learn. and i have learned much just within these past couple of days. so much. too much to remember. odd. and it made too much sense for this day and the next and the ones that came before:
i imagine God is weary of being called down on both sides of an argument.